Just cropdusted the office
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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