Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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