You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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