dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
