Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
