Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
