i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
