The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
