i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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