i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
