dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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