you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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