i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Two words: blizzard sex
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
