So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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