he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
