My liver just broke up with me...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
