so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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