the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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