Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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