shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
