Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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