Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
