I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
either way he was missing a nipple.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
