im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I deserve this hangover.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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