Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
