Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
