Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My legs feel like baby dolphins
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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