sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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