Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
