dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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