guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
