Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
not ubering you a puppy
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
