i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
