I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
