i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
