Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
