dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
