Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
