New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
