I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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