If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
