I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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