I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
