i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
