I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
