There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
