I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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