I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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