I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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