she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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