You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
