p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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