You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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