Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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